Frozen
by SapphireOceans
Summary: She had never really reslised how much he meant to her...until he was gone forever. China/Skulduggery. Song: Frozen by Within Temptation Please R&R!


**Last night I was re-reading the third SP book (I re-read them a lot. And I mean a lot), and I noticed China's reaction to Skulduggery's disappearance at the end of the Faceless One's. I'd noticed it before and thought something similar to what I'm about to write. Hell I'd though before "Hmmm, China and Skulduggery...they'd be a great pairing..." and started to come up with motivations for all her actions, but as I was reading it last night, I was listening to a great song by Within Temptation called Frozen. And I was like: "Wait a minute...". I fell asleep, listening to that song, and plotting. And this morning I was just like; "I'm going to write a China/Skulduggery song fic". So here I am. Writing it. And an insanely long Authors Note.**

**Oh, and just saying now, all the lyrics are from memory, so sorry if there's any mistakes! :D**

**Disclaimer: Tragically, the genius and amazingness which is Skulduggery Pleasant does not belong to me, it belongs to Derek Landy. Who is amazing. Thanks Derek!**

**Also, similarly tragically, the awesomeness which is **_**Frozen**_** belongs to Within Temptation, not me.**

Frozen

_I can't feel my senses,_

_I just feel the cold._

She could hear shouting, someone shouting far away. But she couldn't hear the words. She could only hear the silent scream of anguish that was inside her own head.

_All colours seem to fade away_

_I can't reach my soul._

Her eyes were fixed on the space where he'd last been. She could feel hands shaking her, someone shouting at her, but she couldn't respond. She just couldn't bring herself to move. She was pushed away and she staggered.

_I would stop running,_

_If I knew there was a chance._

She opened her mouth slightly, but closed it again, trapping the desperate wail inside. _Gone. He's gone._ A voice whispered in her head. She had run from her emotions all this time, knew that it could never work, that she could never reveal her feelings to him. If she had though for just one second he felt the same, she would have. But now she would never even get a chance to let him know.

_It tears me apart to sacrifice it all,_

_But I'm forced to let go._

She had struggled with her heart for so long, a battle she knew she had no chance of winning. She had tried so hard to let go, to just lock away her love for him in a little box inside her head, where she put all the other feelings she didn't want. But it had never worked. But now it didn't matter- there was nothing she could do anyway.

_Tell me I'm frozen,_

_But what can I do?_

Someone was sobbing, a long way off. She closed her eyes, childishly hoping that that would shut out the agonising pain which was stabbing through her chest. It didn't. Her thoughts seemed sluggish and slow, failing to take in the situation fully. She felt numb.

_Can't tell the reasons_

_I did it for you,_

She deserved this. She knew that. It was her pay back for all the pain she had inflicted on others. Including him. Even though he never knew. And she could never tell him. Literally now. A hysterical laugh bubbled up in her throat, but she didn't let it out. _Well, that was one less thing to worry about._

_But lies turn into truth,_

_I'd sacrifice for you,_

If only she could have taken his place. Sacrificed herself for him. What did she have to live for now? Her brother was gone. The only person she had ever truly loved was gone. She had a library, dozens of love-crazed suitors, a collection which she had worked for over hundreds of years. But all of it seemed worthless now.

_You see that I'm frozen,_

_But what can I do?_

There had to be something she could do. But what? _Something, anything_...her numb brain tried to think, desperate to find a solution. _Nothing_. He was gone. Forever.

_I can feel your sorrow_

She blinked, slowly trying to comprehend the scene around her. There was girl, sobbing on the ground in front of her. China struggled to remember her name. _What did it matter? What did any of it matter now?_ The field was full of bodies and blood. Smoke from the remains of her symbols drifted around her, as she stood rooted to the spot.

_You won't forgive me,_

_But I know you'll be alright._

The secret. The secret that Remus Crux knew- or was very close to guessing-didn't matter anymore. He would never have forgiven her if he'd known. But now he never would. She looked back at the girl on the floor in front of her. She'd recover. She'd be alright. She hadn't known him that long. She could still get her life back on track.

_It tears me apart that you will never know,_

_But I have to let go._

Maybe she should have told him. Taken a risk and told him. She felt another stab of pain at the knowledge that he could never know now, she couldn't tell him. She had to stop harbouring these feelings; they would only cause her more pain in the future. But trying to let go made the pain even worse.

_Tell me I'm frozen,_

_But what can I do?_

There was nothing she could do. China was always used to being able to do anything. The realisation that there was nothing she could do, there was no one she could charm, to sort the situation out finally hit her like a punch in the stomach. Her breathing became ragged and she fought to hold back the wails and sobs which were building in her chest.

_Can't tell the reasons_

_I did it for you,_

It hurt her worse than when she had realised the pain she had inflicted on him by her betrayal; when she had realised that she had destroyed him. How her jealousy of his love for his family had caused her to act selfishly. How she had led them into the trap prepared for them, in the desperate hope that once they were out of the way Skulduggery could love _her_ instead.

_But lies turn into truth,_

_I'd sacrifice for you,_

And by the time she realised Serpine's real intentions, it was too late. But when he had come back, and she had seen the pain and rage that she had caused, she had known that he could never, ever love her, and she could never ever reveal her feelings. Because it had been her fault and she didn't deserve his love. How could she?

_You see that I'm frozen,_

_But what can I do?_

She felt a hand on her shoulder, and someone calling her name. "China? Can you hear me? China?"

She pushed the hand away. She couldn't bear to be touched, not by anyone. She just wanted to be alone, alone with her thoughts, dark as they were.

_Everything will fade away,_

_Shattered pieces will remain._

She wanted to forget, forget how she had seen him destroy, with that cold burning rage in his eyes, the rage caused by the death of his loved one's. But she'd still hurt inside, even if she forgot. She just wouldn't remember why.

_When memories fade into emptiness,_

_Only time will tell its tale,_

_If it all has been in vain._

Had his sacrifice been worth it? Would the world become a better place for it? The answer came to her mind unbidden. _How can the world possibly be a better place if he wasn't in it? _A tear leaked down her cheek. _Come back, please, just come back to me..._

_I can't feel my senses,_

_I just feel the cold._

A cold ache spread through her. "China?" the voice called again.

She ignored it. How could they speak? Why was there still sound, and voices in the world if Skulduggery was gone? The world shouldn't exist if Skulduggery was gone.

_Frozen_

_What can I do?_

_Frozen_

"_China_?"

She shook her head slowly. _No._ She just wanted to be left, alone, to drown in her sorrow. _China Sorrows._ The irony of her name burst through her, and she felt the hysterical laughter bubble up in throat again. But she didn't let it out. Couldn't make a sound, because if she did, she didn't know if she could stop herself screaming at the sky.

_Tell me I'm frozen,_

_But what can I do?_

She could do anything. Nothing. She was useless, they all were. She wanted to break down and sob, but she couldn't let them all see her pain. It made her weak. She could never let anyone else know.

_Can't tell the reasons_

_I did it for you,_

Just like she could never have told him what she'd done. Not because she was scared of him killing her, which he probably would have done. But because she couldn't have beared to see the hate in his eyes when he looked at her, the rage, betrayal and the loathing which would have ripped her apart as surely as any knife.

_But lies turn into truth,_

_I'd sacrifice for you,_

_You see that I'm frozen._

"China?" She finally registered Ghastly's voice, and looked up.

"Let's go. There's nothing we can do." She turned around quickly and began to walk away as fast as she could without running, letting her long dark hair fall over her face so no one could see the tears that ran down it, or hear the heartbroken sobs she had suppressed all these years.

_Frozen._

**Thanks you for reading, it would be great if you could review.**

**Sapphy**

**xxx**


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